Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Depression and Relief

My desire to blog more often was thwarted these past two days by a bout of depression. My husband has been suffering from anxiety and depression since at least September of last year. I have suffered from depression for the past twenty years. It waxes and wanes with the stresses of life and my ability to deal with what is going on around me. We are going to have a lot of changes happening in our lives in the next year and most immediately in the next six months. We are probably going to be needing to move from our property that we rent. We are on three quarters of an acre with an extra building for our pottery studio and lots of space for our kilns. The landlord is ready to sell and we would like to buy but haven't been able to come up with the finances for it. We are hoping to be able to find another place to take all our equipment to but we have a lot and it is a lot to clean up and a lot to move. My husband moved on to this property about fifteen years ago and has accumulated a lot of things.

With all of these thoughts and trying to help my husband deal with things has gotten me kind of down. It's actually gotten me a lot down I just don't like to admit it. I have been taking Cymbalta for at least a year and I has been helping out a lot but I just decided I needed to up my dose so that I can get over these hurdles. I just started but I've got my fingers crossed and have been saying a lot of prayers.

Which brings to what I've been up to so early in the morning. I couldn't sleep anymore so I got up and then I decided I needed to read my scriptures. I can get all the scriptures online with the option to read the text or listen to them. They have updated the audio and it loads really fast which I love. I read the Old Testament, the New Testament and also The Book of Mormon which is additional scripture that testifies of Jesus Christ. This morning I was reading from The Book of Mormon in the Book of Mosiah, chapter 16. I especially was drawn to a few verses. Verse four reminded me that even though I make mistakes, I can be forgiven. Verses six through eight gave me hope of the redeeming love of Christ. Verse nine lifted me up knowing of Christ's beautiful light which can fill my soul and lift me out of the darkness. Essentially this passage reminded me of the love that Christ has for me. I said a prayer and I asked to be forgiven of the impatience, rudeness and mean attitudes I have shown to my family lately. I thanked my Father in Heaven for my blessings and I asked that my heart what be softened and that I might better be able to show my love to my husband and son. I asked that I might remember to think before I speak rather than allowing the first thing that I think of to pop out.
So say a little prayer for me if you think of it and I am sending out loving thoughts to everyone who might be needing that love today. Who doesn't need it?

Before I finish I thought I would show you an interesting picture of a sculpture that I made just this last quarter at Chico State in my ceramic mold making class.

This was a really fun class taught by Sue Whitmore.
I used a blue hubbard squash which I grew in my garden over the summer. I made a two part mold out of plaster and then used the mold to press clay into. The resulting clay piece was pretty cool and this crusty, peeling glaze makes it look like something in the process of decomposition. I didn't like the way it came out at first, but everyone else did and it has certainly grown on me in the last couple of months. Of course roasting the squash in the oven is delicious and it makes great pumpkin pies and pumpkin ginger cupcakes. I omit the cinnamon and just use ground ginger and they are scrumptious. Right out of the oven the tops are buttery and crispy. I find however that the flavor of the ginger marinates out into the cupcake from the chopped candied ginger and actually has a much fuller flavor the next day although the top is no longer crispy. Another great place to go for cupcake recipes is Cupcake Bakeshop. Ooh Yummy!

No comments: